Mans best friend

[mousyman]

Guy walks into the pet shop and explains that he's after a companion rather than a pet! pet shop manager sighs and says, its maybe out of your price range but ive got just the friend for u! he holds an intelligent conversation and costs absolutely nothing to feed, just whats in the garden and i'll let u have him for £150.00.
What is it the man asks? pet shop manager goes under the counter and comes up with a match box and slides it open, its a feckin caterpiller the man exclaims!
Im telling u sir, take this little guy home, keep him in his box for a couple of hours, just until he gets used to your surroundings and then after that they'll be no shutting him up and oh! he likes a pint!
Once at home he spends the next 3 hours talking to this matchbox with no reply! ahh he says "Do you fancy goin for a pint"! No reply again! he repeatedly asks over and over again for the next 2 hours and eventually flips, he lifts the matchbox, slided it open and says you're one ignorant little ba###rd, ive asked u to go for a pint 23 times now and not one have you answered!
Caterpiller looks up and shouts "I heard you the feckin first time, ive been puttin my shoes on"!